Whether a therapist is a good fit for you can entail a lot of things, and can vary from one person to another, based on what they are looking for in a therapist and from the therapy process. 

However, generally speaking, a therapist is a good fit for you if you feel like you can trust your therapist and speak freely without fear of judgment from your therapist. It’s important that you feel heard, seen, supported and emotionally safe with your therapist. 

In a good working relationship with a therapist, you will also feel a sense of connection with your therapist and feel like they care for you as a person and your well-being. 

A therapist who is a good fit for you will be mentally present, attentive and responsive to the things you say, and will take an active role in the session which usually means they will do more than just listening and nodding their head, such as asking questions to slow things down and explore something in more depth, exploring what you notice in your body or are feeling emotionally, exploring potential ways of approaching a difficult situation in your life, and gently challenging you. 

A good fit therapist will also demonstrate respect for your self-determination, meaning that they respect your authority and autonomy to decide what you feel and think it best for you—as long as you’re not endangering yourself or others. 

Since the practice of therapy began, research has repeatedly shown that the relationship you have with your therapist—which is often called the therapeutic alliance—is consistently the thing that accounts for the greatest amount change in the therapy process. So, the quality of the relationship you have with your therapist is incredibly important.

Therapy is for people who want to create change in themselves and their lives, and are willing to put in the effort and time required to do those things. It’s more likely to be effective for people who are: 

-open to engaging in a process of exploring things with their therapist,

-willing to pay attention to their feelings, thoughts and what they notice in their body, 

-and committed to put forth the effort to implement changes in between sessions.      

Therapy is for also for individuals who want to be more aware of and take better care of their mental health and relational health, which are every bit as important as being intentional with our physical health. 

There are really a wide variety of reasons someone may seek therapy, just a few of which are:

-to work through your tendencies to be a people pleaser or a perfectionist

-to figure out how to parent your kids in healthier ways than the ways you were raised

-to gain a better understanding of why you’re feeling anxious and what you can do about it 

-to develop skills for managing stress more effectively 

-to develop your skills in setting boundaries 

-to address issues that are preventing you from getting good sleep

The goals of therapy often include the types of skills we hope to develop through therapy. There are usually multiple goals of therapy, which depend on:

-the issues you are seeking help with,  

-your desired outcomes for the process, and 

-the therapeutic approach being used by your therapist to address the issues the two of you identified. 

If you’re seeking therapy for anxiety, your goals might include working with your therapist to identify the things that are triggering your anxiety, resolving the causes of those things to the extent possible, and developing healthy skills for coping with those things that we can’t resolve.  

Therapy for trauma, on the other hand, is often about making connections between what is happening in the present and what happened to you in the past. So, the goals of trauma therapy might involve integrating the fragments of what gets triggered from your past emotionally, mentally, and in your body and nervous system, so that these trauma buttons don’t get pushed nearly as frequently or intensely and so that the effects of being triggered don’t last as long. Trauma therapy may also involve developing skills in mindfulness, self-compassion and working through your feelings more effectively.  

If you’re seeking couples therapy, your goals might include the two of you gaining a deeper understanding of each other and each other’s feelings, needs, wounds, and desires in the relationship; developing more effective processes for working through conflict in your relationship, and developing skills for creating a more mutually satisfying connection with each other. 

Generally, the more of yourself you invest in the therapy process, the more you will get out of it. This means being open with your therapist and sharing things so that she has an accurate and complete picture of things from which to assess your situation and make recommendations. Taking an active role in the therapy process also means avoiding any mind altering substances like alcohol or non-prescription drugs the day or two before your therapy sessions, so that you can get the most out of the process.  

Some clients also find it helpful to purchase a journal/notebook which they bring to each session to record insights from their sessions, the goals they are going to work on until their next session, and notes of anything that comes up in between sessions that they would like to discuss at their next appointment. Other clients find it more helpful to record such things in a dedicated notes folder on their smartphone. Regardless of which format works best for you, such a journal enables clients to stay on track and concretely view how much progress they have made through their therapy process.