Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP’s Blog Articles
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah.
What I do Differently to Provide the Best Therapy
In my over 20 years of practicing as a therapist since 2003, I have developed a unique approach that is different and more effective than the approaches of the majority of therapists in order to provide you with the best therapy possible, in person in the Salt Lake area and via telehealth for residents throughout the state of Utah.
First, I use a session length and frequency that is more effective. Specifically, I use 80 minute sessions because longer sessions like this have been shown to be best, as the gold standard, in helping people to really work though and heal trauma and relationship issues, and I meet with my clients a minimum of once every 2 weeks which is the frequency that allows us to create the most change, progress and momentum, both during sessions and between sessions.
Secondly, I have invested significant time, effort and money in completing specialized, advanced clinical training and certifications in therapy models that are the most effective at addressing the causes of issues rather than just treating symptoms. these models are what I have found to be the best in helping people to heal, grow and thrive rather than just cope and survive. In order to get the very best training, I have completed that training personally with the developer of the therapeutic model. For example, I have found Modified-Protocol EMDR to be dramatically more effective, positively impactful, safe and centered on the needs of the client, than the Traditional Protocol of EMDR which is the model in which most EMDR therapists are trained and practice. The Modified Protocol is much more effective for people with childhood trauma, relational trauma or multiple traumas whereas the Traditional Protocol is most effective for a single incident trauma like a car accident. So, I invested the time and money into traveling to upstate New York and then the following year to a remote location in California in order to be trained personally by the developer of the Modified Protocol. Dr. Laurel Parnell. Then, to further increase my expertise and competence in using the Modified Protocol of EMDR, I completed EMDRIA certification in EMDR through a world renowned consultant and trainer on this model.
As another example, I completed intensive training in Polyvagal Theory from Dr. Stephen Porges himself who developed the model and from Deb Dana, LCSW, who has adapted the model for use in clinical psychotherapy. This model of how the autonomic nervous system works, what causes us to get triggered and how to work with the nervous system has informed and positively impacted all of the work I do with clients because it creates such powerful understanding, removes shame from our physiological and emotional responses, and empowers people by giving them much greater understanding of themselves as well as tools to work with your nervous system rather than against it.
Last, in an effort to be the best therapist in the Salt Lake area and virtually throughout Utah, I'm a therapist who does and continues to do her own work, healing and growth—both personally and professionally—though my own personal therapy as a client myself, consultation with colleagues, good self-care to prevent burnout, going above and beyond the minimal requirements for continuing education in the trainings I complete, continuing to research and educate myself regarding new research and neuroscience findings, and only taking on a manageable number of clients so that I can consistently provide the best and highest quality therapy.
In over 20 years of practicing as a therapist since 2003, I have developed a unique approach that is different and more effective than the approaches of many therapists in order to provide you with the best therapy, in person in the Salt Lake area and via telehealth for residents throughout the state of Utah.
Longer sessions (also known as “double sessions”) at more effective frequency
First, I use a session length and frequency that is more effective. Specifically, I use 80 minute sessions because longer sessions like this have been shown to be best, as the gold standard, in helping people to really work though and heal trauma and relationship issues, and along with these longer sessions, I meet with my clients a minimum of once every 2 weeks which is the frequency that allows us to create the most change, progress and momentum, both during sessions and between sessions.
Intensive training in therapy models that address causes rather than just treating symptoms
Secondly, I have invested significant time, effort and money in completing advanced, specialized clinical training and certifications in therapy models that are the most effective at addressing the causes of issues rather than just treating symptoms. These models are what I have found to be the best therapy in helping people to heal, grow and thrive rather than just cope and survive. In order to get the very best training, I have completed that training personally with the developer of the therapeutic model.
For example, I have found Modified-Protocol EMDR to be dramatically more effective, positively impactful, safe and centered on the needs of the client, than the Traditional Protocol of EMDR which is the model in which most EMDR therapists are trained and practice. The Modified Protocol is much more effective for people with childhood trauma, relational trauma or multiple traumas whereas the Traditional Protocol is most effective for a single incident trauma like a car accident. So, I invested the time and money into traveling to upstate New York and then the following year to a remote location in California in order to be trained personally by the developer of the Modified Protocol, Dr. Laurel Parnell. Then, to further increase my expertise and competence in using the Modified Protocol of EMDR, I completed EMDRIA certification in EMDR through an internationally renowned consultant and trainer on this model, Julie Probus-Schad, LCSW.
As another example, I completed intensive training in Polyvagal Theory from Dr. Stephen Porges himself who developed the model and from Deb Dana, LCSW, who has adapted the model for use in clinical psychotherapy. This model of how the autonomic nervous system works, what causes us to get triggered and how to work with the nervous system has informed and positively impacted all of the work I do with clients because it creates such powerful understanding, removes shame from your physiological and emotional responses, and empowers you by giving you much greater understanding of yourself as well as tools to work with your nervous system rather than against it.
Continuing to do my own work, healing and growth personally and professionally
Last, in an effort to be the best therapist that I can be, in the Salt Lake area and virtually throughout Utah, I'm a therapist who does and continues to do her own work, healing and growth—both personally and professionally—though my own personal therapy as a client myself, consultation with colleagues, good self-care to prevent burnout, completing trainings that far surpass the minimal requirements for continuing education for maintaining my professional license, continuing to research and educate myself regarding new research and neuroscience findings, and only taking on a manageable number of clients so that I can consistently provide the best and highest quality therapy.
Interview regarding what I've witnessed in my work with Recently Single Professional Women, some of whom are also first generation, the child of immigrants or an immigrant themself
These women hope to have a fulfilling life as a single woman where they have meaningful relationships with friends and family, do meaningful work, and have a rich life of experiences outside of their career as well. In my experience, these women value meaningful connections with others and all types of relationships.
Some of these women hope to have a romantic relationship in which they can have a meaningful emotional connection in which the other person is vulnerable, accountable, self-aware, empathetic, a hard worker, physically active, financially stable, intelligent, and committed to their own growth and development as an individual. They commonly report that they want someone who strives for balance in their life and doesn’t use substances in excess. They want someone who is truly their equal and truly a partner, someone they don’t have to beg or plead with, remind and persuade in order for them to do their part of being in a relationship and being a mature, accountable and healthy individual.
Interview of Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP by Agata Kubinska, LCSW on October 5, 2023
***In order to protect client confidentiality, identifying details have been withheld and answers to these questions have been given in reference to multiple clients, not referring to any one client in particular.***
Q: In your experience, why do women stay in relationships for as long as they do that end up in separation?
A: There are of course a variety of reasons for this. Some of the primary reasons I have seen are that first, there is a lot of pressure placed on women in our patriarchal society to be partnered in a heterosexual relationship, and partnered women in heterosexual relationships are given more social power, value and credibility—than single women, lesbian women or nonbinary individuals—which seems to play a role in these women deciding to remain in their heterosexual relationship. In the case of lesbian and nonbinary individuals, there are different pressures that may also encourage individuals to stay partnered: the homophobia still present in our society—especially in more religious and conservative regions—ostracizes many of these women from their families of origin and other systems of support, which puts increased pressure on these women and nonbinary individuals to stay partnered because they are isolated from other supports.
Second, these women have often socialized, conditioned and directly told to stay with a partner no matter what, especially if that partner is a man. Under this socialization, separation and divorce is only socially acceptable or “justified” under extreme circumstances such as the partner being repeatedly physically abusive, an alcoholic or drug addict, cheating on them repeatedly, or being continuously unemployed. Women receive this message from their family and friends, religious leaders, and even Hallmark and Hollywood culture. That message and pressure is even more prevalent in communities with a predominant religion such as Utah where LDS (Mormon) culture discourages divorce. So, I have seen these women doubting themselves and questioning whether they are justified in leaving a relationship in which for example, their partner doesn’t meet their emotional needs, fails to do their part of the household and parenting work, is dishonest, or is irresponsible financially.
Third, these women often don’t have good models close to them of single, independent women and it is more difficult to be a trailblazer doing something we haven’t seen done before than it is to follow other women’s leads.
Fourth, there are of course financial and logistical reasons (such as having children in common with their partner) that some of these women stay in these relationships as well. However, that does not seem to be a reason for staying for women of younger generations as frequently as was the case for Baby Boomers and generations prior to that.
Q: What are their hopes and dreams? Their fears?
A: These women hope to have a fulfilling life as a single woman where they have meaningful relationships with friends and family, do meaningful work, and have a rich life of experiences outside of their career as well. In my experience, these women value meaningful connections with others and all types of relationships.
Some of these women hope to have a romantic relationship in which they can have a meaningful emotional connection in which the other person is vulnerable, accountable, self-aware, empathetic, a hard worker, physically active, financially stable, intelligent, and committed to their own growth and development as an individual. They commonly report that they want someone who strives for balance in their life and doesn’t use substances in excess. They want someone who is truly their equal and truly a partner, someone they don’t have to beg or plead with, remind and persuade in order for them to do their part of being in a relationship and being a mature, accountable and healthy individual.
Some of these women fear they will never have such a relationship. On the other hand, they also fear that if they stay in or settle for an unhealthy relationship, they would be more unhappy than being single or that they would be more unhappy than being single and also having the possibility having the potential for a healthy relationship with a healthy partner if they have such an opportunity in the future.
These women grieve the loss of the dream of having the fulfilling and connected romantic relationship they had dreamed of, and many feel blind sighted by their partner not having lived up to his or her part of their relational commitments, yet they are often very relieved to have "dodged a bullet" by ending the relationship when they did or are grateful to no longer be in the relationship—regardless of how long it lasted— once they have separated.
These women who are often "crushing it” in their careers, and even though some of them believe feel like they or their love life are “a mess”, they don’t maintain that perception or feeling for very long after they've started therapy with me. Rather they gain clarity on the facts that their former romantic partners and the potential partners they’ve met up to that point (especially for heterosexual women) are not even close to as emotionally intelligent, active, ambitious, politically progressive, self-aware, evolved, responsible and intentional with their life as they are as an individual, and many of these women don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is not truly their equal and a partner in these areas. When these women are first generation, a child of immigrants or an immigrant themselves, the main difference I see is that they tend to not separate as soon because they tend to not have as robust a network of physical, financial or logistical support from family of origin, friends, coworkers, and community.
Q: What do women that want to work on relationships in individual therapy struggle with? What symptoms do they present with? What problems do they want help with?
A: These women want to work on increasing the security of their attachment style; working through the loss, hurt and trauma of their ended relationship; increase their skills in creating and maintaining all types of healthy relationships; and increasing their skills at recognizing unhealthy behaviors and dynamics and warning signs in their interactions with others. They begin therapy with symptoms of anxiety, overwhelm, grief, spiraling negative thoughts, feeling like they are “going crazy”, thoughts that just go in circles, shame and trauma symptoms.
Q: What has been your experience working with first generation women, adult children of immigrant, or immigrants and their relationship problems?
A: These women often tend to partner up with an individual as a romantic partner who is overly close, enmeshed with, and even dependent on their family of origin. Sometimes this seems to be done unconsciously and other times it seems to be verbalized as a conscious choice since they themself have little to no family support near them in the U.S. Even when a woman verbalizes liking that her romantic partner is so close to their own family of origin, it is often a source of a lot of conflict in the couple’s romantic relationship, and hurst the couples connection and intimacy of all types.
When a relationship is unhealthy or abusive, these women may be more likely to stay long-term, or stay longer than women with more support, or find a new partner before leaving the relationship because they have less social support, fewer financial resources, and less knowledge of available social services and government aid and how to access these services, or they may not be able to access these services because of their residency, citizenship or visa status.
Q: Are there any unique considerations for first generation or adult children of immigrants that seek therapy?
A: I witnessed that these women seem to be more likely to face discrimination, pressure and unwarranted criticism from their partners and their partner’s family of origin when the woman wants to have more space from their partner’s family of origin, set healthy boundaries, or do things differently with her partner than how the partner’s family of origin has always done things.
It is essential that the therapist be aware of and mindful of their potential for unconscious biases about this woman’s behavior and be seeking on-going, clinical consultation on such cases to ensure that they are providing culturally competent therapy. It is also of utmost importance that the therapist verbalize the power dynamics and impacts of macro systems and systems of oppression rather than putting responsibility on the individual client for discrimination and barriers they experience.
The therapy process will, of course, be more effective when the therapist obtains clear information from the client about their goals and what they need and are seeking from the therapist. The therapist needs to also be mindful of the power differential and cultural differences between therapist and client and name those with the client.
I recommend that the therapist slow down communication and interactions enough to check in as needed with the client on how they are feeling and perceiving the process, especially when the therapist’s own gut or nervous system indicates that something feels off.
Q: What particular challenges do these women seem exhibit in therapy?
A: These women’s challenges in the therapy process and in the relationship with the therapist often show up as attachment wounds, resistance to the therapy process and/or the therapeutic relationship which can show up as fear of feeling all of their emotions and physical sensations, experiencing the doubts they’ve had in previous relationships in the relationship with the therapist, and there is more fear or anxiety and more shame potential for individuals, the more trauma there is in the individual’s history.
However, going to therapy can be a revolutionary act for these women. These women often report having the perception that they would be burdening their parents by sharing their struggles and not wanting to burden their parents—especially if their parents are immigrants or live outside the country. Many of these women report a history of things feeling chaotic, stressful or unstable in their upbringing so they stay in a romantic relationship that also feels chaotic, stressful or unstable because it seems to feel familiar unconsciously and because their family of origin can’t support them physically, financially or logistically, which is often because of the families own lack of resources, so these women often enter therapy feeling “stuck”.
More Frequently Asked Questions About Therapy
When something emotional, mental or in relationships is negatively impacting your ability to function at home, work, school or in relationships, it would be a good idea to seek out the assistance of a therapist. This could be when you feel so much anxiety that it’s difficult for you be effective as a parent or focus at work, when stress you are experiencing in one area of your life is really bleeding over into another and preventing you from being present or effective in that other area or relationship in your life, or when you’re getting so upset by things that you’re not able to complete your responsibilities.
In cases like these, a licensed therapist can assist you in deepening your understanding of the issue, working through it in various ways, and increasing your skills for effectively addressing or coping with it.
KUTV Channel 2 Fresh Living Fresh Off the Set Podcast Interview General Therapy Episode—Interview of Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP by Interviewer Elora Murray from Fresh Off the Set
Q: WHAT ARE SOME SIGNS THAT IT’S TIME TO SEEK OUT A THERAPIST?
A: When something emotional, mental or in relationships is negatively impacting your ability to function at home, work, school or in relationships, it would be a good idea to seek out the assistance of a therapist.
This could be:
-when you feel so much anxiety that it’s difficult for you be effective as a parent or focus at work
-when stress you are experiencing in one area of your life is really bleeding over into another and preventing you from being present or effective in that other area or relationship in your life
-when you’re getting so upset by things that you’re not able to complete your responsibilities
In cases like these, a licensed therapist can assist you in deepening your understanding of the issue, working through it in various ways, and increasing your skills for effectively addressing or coping with it.
Other signs could be:
-when you find yourself going over and over a situation or thoughts in your mind or find your thoughts spiraling
-when you are feeling overwhelmed, confused or resentful in a relationship and keep repeating the same unproductive patterns of behavior
Q: WHO IS THERAPY FOR?
A: Therapy is for people who want to create change within themselves and their lives, and are willing to put in the effort and time required to do those things. It’s more likely to be effective for people who are:
-open to engaging in a process of exploring things with their therapist,
-willing to pay attention to their feelings, thoughts and what they notice in their body,
-and committed to put forth the effort to implement changes in between sessions.
Therapy is for also for individuals who want to be more aware of and take better care of their mental health and relational health, which are every bit as important as being intentional with our physical health.
Q: WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DO PEOPLE GO TO THERAPY FOR?
A: There are really a wide variety of reasons someone may seek therapy such as:
-to work through your tendencies to be a people pleaser or a perfectionist
-to figure out how to parent your kids in healthier ways than the ways you were raised
-to gain a better understanding of why you’re feeling anxious and what you can do about it
-to develop skills for managing stress more effectively
-to develop your skills in setting boundaries
-to address issues that are preventing you from getting good sleep
Q: WHAT IS THE GOAL OF THERAPY? ALSO, WHAT KIND OF SKILLS CAN WE LEARN?
A: The goals of therapy often include the types of skills we hope to develop through therapy. There are usually multiple goals of therapy, which depend on:
-the issues you are seeking help with,
-your desired outcomes for the process, and
-the therapeutic approach being used by your therapist to address the issues the two of you identified.
If you’re seeking therapy for anxiety, your goals might include working with your therapist to identify the things that are triggering your anxiety, resolving the causes of those things to the extent possible, and developing healthy skills for coping with those things that we can’t resolve.
Therapy for trauma, on the other hand, is often about making connections between what is happening in the present and what happened to you in the past. So, the goals of trauma therapy might involve integrating the fragments of what gets triggered from your past emotionally, mentally, and in your body and nervous system, so that these trauma buttons don’t get pushed nearly as frequently or intensely and so that the effects of being triggered don’t last as long. Trauma therapy may also involve developing skills in mindfulness, self-compassion and working through your feelings more effectively.
If you’re seeking couples therapy, your goals might include the two of you gaining a deeper understanding of each other and each other’s feelings, needs, wounds, and desires in the relationship; developing more effective processes for working through conflict in your relationship, and developing skills for creating a more mutually satisfying connection with each other.
Q: WHAT CAN A PERSON EXPECT FROM THERAPY?
A: To better answer this question, I’d like to say a little more about what therapy is. Defining therapy can be challenging because there are so many different approaches to therapy and so many different therapists and clients, so no two therapy sessions that are exactly the same. However, in a nutshell, I would say that therapy is a collaborative process of working with a licensed therapist to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, others and your environment, as well as developing skills to enable you to have a healthier, more meaningful and fulfilling life, work and relationships. This process can involve healing old emotional, mental and relational wounds so that they are no longer holding you back.
In therapy, you can expect your therapist to ask you a lot of questions in order to be able to understand your history and the relationships that have shaped who you are and your current situation. Your therapist’s questions will also help you to unpack things and see things more clearly, on a deeper level and from different perspectives.
During this process, you will probably feel a wide range of feelings and you will likely be asked to work on new skills and tools in between sessions because coming and talking about things is only part of the solution—doing things differently in between sessions is also a key part of making changes. in your life, relationships and environment.
Q: WHAT KIND OF A MINDSET SHOULD WE HAVE GOING INTO THERAPY?
A: A growth mindset, which means that you believe in the fact that your abilities and skills can be developed through commitment and hard work.
It’s also important to keep in mind that genuine healing and change will likely require significant effort and time invested into the therapy process. If you have decades worth of experiences and relationships that are feeding into your current struggles, know that you are not going to be able to work through decades of stuff in just a few months of therapy sessions.
As with anything that is genuinely rewarding and meaningful, there is no short cut or quick fix.
Q: WHAT’S A COMMON MISCONEPTION ABOUT THERAPY THAT YOU’D LIKE TO ADDRESS?
A: One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that therapy is only for people who are in a state of extreme distress or crisis.
In reality, therapy is it will be more effective, less time consuming and less expensive if you start it before you’re in crisis, and by starting therapy when things are less severe, you can avoid getting to the point of being in crisis.
Q: WHAT’S THE MOST COMMON PROBLEM YOU SEE WITH PATIENTS? (WHAT HINDERS THEM FROM LEARNING DURING THERAPY?)
A: One the most common problems I have seen is clients not being able to create momentum, significant change and progress due to the client not meeting frequently enough, for long enough sessions and for a long enough period of time with their therapist before ending their therapy.
In order to create therapeutic momentum, significant change and progress with my clients, I use 80 minute sessions with all of my clients because longer sessions are the gold standard for resolving things like trauma and relationship issues. The 80 minute sessions really allow us to identify and explore what’s going on beneath the surface, so we can address those underlying causes which can lead to genuine healing and lasting, long-term change within you, your life and your relationships. I also ask that people who want to work with me commit to meet a minimum of once every 2 weeks, and I encourage people to commit themselves to a period of at least 6 sessions before considering pausing or ending their therapy.
Q: WHAT TIPS DO YOU HAVE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO THERAPY?
A: Generally, the more of yourself you invest in the therapy process, the more you will get out of it. This means being open with your therapist and sharing things so that she has an accurate and complete picture of things from which to assess your situation and make recommendations. Taking an active role in the therapy process also means avoiding any mind altering substances like alcohol or non-prescription drugs the day or two before your therapy sessions, so that you can get the most out of the process.
Some clients also find it helpful to purchase a journal/notebook which they bring to each session to record insights from their sessions, the goals they are going to work on until their next session, and notes of anything that comes up in between sessions that they would like to discuss at their next appointment. Other clients find it more helpful to record such things in a dedicated notes folder on their smartphone. Regardless of which format works best for you, such a journal enables clients to stay on track and concretely view how much progress they have made through their therapy process.
Q: HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOUR THERAPIST IS A GOOD FIT FOR YOU?
A: Whether a therapist is a good fit can entail a lot of things and can vary from one person to another based on what they are looking for in a therapist and from the therapy process.
However, generally speaking, a therapist is a good fit for you if you feel like you can trust your therapist and speak freely without fear of judgment from your therapist. It’s important that you feel heard, seen, supported and emotionally safe with your therapist.
In a good working relationship with a therapist, you will also feel a sense of connection with your therapist and feel like they care for you as a person and your well-being.
A therapist who is a good fit for you will be mentally present, attentive and responsive to the things you say, and will take an active role in the session which usually means they will do more than just listening and nodding their head, such as asking questions to slow things down and explore something in more depth, exploring potential solutions with you, or gently challenging you.
A good fit therapist will also demonstrate respect for your self-determination, meaning that they respect your authority and autonomy to decide what you feel and think it best for you—as long as you’re not endangering yourself or others.
Since therapy began, research has repeatedly shown that the relationship you have with your therapist—which is often called the therapeutic alliance—is consistently the thing that accounts for the greatest amount change in the therapy process. So, the quality of the relationship you have with your therapist is incredibly important.
You can listen to the full audio of these questions and answers below:
For Answers to other common questions about therapy, click the link below:
Why Do I Need Boundaries?
Developing the abilities to set and hold boundaries are very important abilities for protecting your mental, emotional, and physical health, your time and your energy—all of which have limits. Working with an experienced therapist, can help you identify what areas of your life and relationships could benefit from setting and enforcing some new boundaries.
Why Do I Need Boundaries?
Boundaries can help you to honor your feelings, needs, preferences, values, integrity, and emotional and energetic capacities, all of which are key aspects of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Developing the abilities to set, hold and enforce boundaries are very important abilities for protecting your mental, emotional, and physical health, your time and your energy—all of which have limits.
When Setting a Boundary, what do I say?
Ideally, a personal boundary defines what is okay for you and what is not okay for you. A boundary is not telling another person what to do. Rather, it is telling another person what you will do.
I’m Worried People will be Upset with Me for Setting a Boundary…
Keep in mind that people who get upset with you for setting, holding or enforcing boundaries are the people who were benefitting from your lack of boundaries.
Brene Brown wisely said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others”.
Where Can I Learn More about Setting Boundaries?
Setting and holding boundaries can be easier said than done, especially if we haven’t had someone teach us these skills and model how to apply them in our lives.
Working with an experienced therapist, can help you identify what areas of your life and relationships could benefit from setting and enforcing some new boundaries.
Additionally, the 2 books shown here by Nedra Glover Tawab and Melissa Urban are excellent resources for deepening your understanding of boundaries and how to effectively set them.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
A Pathway to Genuine Empathy and Connection
We live in a world and a society with so much division and so much disconnection, one where we often define ourselves and others more by our differences than what we have in common.
However, healing our world, our culture, our relationships and ourselves is going to require us developing deeper, more genuine empathy and connection with others.
One of the pathways to that type of empathy and connection with another person is gaining a deeper understanding of another’s lived experiences.
As Dr. Brene Brown says, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in”.
One way to move in and get to know others better is by listening to the lived experiences of others in their own words.
So, I decided to write this post and compile a list of some of my favorite memoirs and biographies for anyone who is interested in deepening their understanding of the lived experiences of another person who they perceive as different from them.
My hope is that as you read or listen to these lived experiences, you may see a piece of yourself in them and feel a connection and empathy for this other person.
I fervently believe empathy is one of the keys to healing our world.
As we practice empathy, we create more empathy which is something our world, culture, systems, relationships and hearts all need a whole lot more of right now.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
How Does the Out-Of-Network Reimbursement Process Work?
I am considered an out-of-network provider for all insurance plans. If your insurance plan includes mental health benefits and if you’re wanting to seek out-of-network reimbursement from your insurance company, it’s important for you to understand how the process works and what it requires, along with it’s disadvantages and potential benefits, so that you can make an informed decision about whether it’s the route you want to pursue or not.
At a minimum, seeking reimbursement from your insurance company requires that you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis. I can assess you for such a diagnosis if you request this of me up front. This assessment is something that usually takes a few session to complete. If you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis, that diagnosis will then be put on your permanent medical record when you submit for out of network reimbursement. After you submit your diagnosis on a superbill which I can provide you (containing information about the therapy services you’ve received), your insurance company will make a determination of whether they believe therapy is a “medical necessity” for you.
If the insurance plan decides therapy is a medical necessity for you, your plan will then notify you directly of the amount of therapy services for which they will reimburse you and number of sessions they will allow, which reimbursement usually applies after you have met have your deductible in full. These specifics vary by insurance plan. There is also a chance that you will go through that process and your insurance plan will decide that therapy is not a “medical necessity” for you.
One of the most important things for you to know about this process is that if you choose to submit for reimbursement from your insurance company, this subjects my records about you to the requirements of the insurance company and waives your rights to privacy and confidentiality as if I were paneled with the insurance company.
I am a fee-for-service, private pay therapist, which means that you are responsible to pay the fee for each session at the time of the session. Many of my clients pay for their therapy with their health savings account or flexible spending account, while others pay with cash or credit card.
I am considered an out-of-network provider for all insurance plans. If your insurance plan includes mental health benefits and if you’re wanting to seek out-of-network reimbursement from your insurance company, it’s important for you to understand how the process works and what it requires, along with its disadvantages and potential benefits, so that you can make an informed decision about whether it’s the route you want to pursue or not.
At a minimum, seeking reimbursement from your insurance company requires that you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis. I can assess you for such a diagnosis if you request this of me up front. This assessment is something that usually takes a few sessions to complete. If you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis, that diagnosis will then be put on your permanent medical record when you submit for out of network reimbursement.
After you submit your diagnosis on a superbill which I can provide you (containing information about the therapy services you’ve received), your insurance company will make a determination of whether they believe therapy is a “medical necessity” for you.
If the insurance plan decides therapy is a medical necessity for you, your plan will then notify you directly of the amount of therapy services for which they will reimburse you and number of sessions they will allow, which reimbursement usually applies after you have met have your deductible in full. These specifics vary by insurance plan. There is also a chance that you will go through that process and your insurance plan will decide that therapy is not a “medical necessity” for you.
Most insurance plans don’t cover couples therapy to address relationship issues. However, if you're interested in having your insurance help pay for your couples therapy, I'd recommend you call your plan and ask them specifically whether they cover couples therapy without giving one partner a mental health disorder diagnosis.
One of the most important things for you to know about this process is that if you choose to submit for reimbursement from your insurance company, this subjects my records about you to the requirements of the insurance company and waives your rights to privacy and confidentiality as if I were paneled with the insurance company.
It is also important for you to know that the therapeutic services I provide are based on what I determine—based on my clinical training, experience and judgment and the collaborative process of working with you—will best assist you in meeting your therapeutic goals. My focus is on doing what seems to be in your best interests and will provide the maximum benefit to you—not necessarily on what particular diagnosis, treatment modality or session structure an individual insurance plan may be willing to reimburse.
It is your responsibility to find out and follow your plan’s policies in the process of seeking out-of-network reimbursement. Insurance companies have many rules and requirements specific to each individual plan and do not make it easy to obtain reimbursement.
As a result of the above factors and others, the majority of my clients choose not to seek reimbursement from their insurance plan, because they decide that the disadvantages of the insurance process outweigh the potential benefits, and they want to keep everything they share with me confidential and all decisions about the therapy process to be made by them and me.
During your phone consultation, I will get some information from you in order to briefly assess your situation and then recommend the type of therapy I believe will be most beneficial to you. I will share with you the set session fee for that type of therapy at that time so you know what to expect.
Best and Most Recommended Parenting Book
This is the best parenting book. I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that research has found that the factor that predicts a child’s success most in life is their emotional intelligence. This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed emotional intelligence.
Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.
Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child. This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books. However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.
If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me by email or phone to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.
As a society and as individuals, we say our relationships with our kids and our kids' wellbeing are some of the very most important things in our lives.
Yet, what have we done to take an educated approach to our relationships with our kids and our responsibilities of raising them to be healthy, resilient and well adjusted adults?
Reading and applying the simple process described in this book is one of the best ways—and one of the simplest ways—you can improve your relationship with your child AND improve your child's well-being and life skills.
Parenting is one of my clinical specializations, and a relationship with which I love to assist people.
My formal training in parenting education began in 1997 when I was employed as a parenting educator. I have found that assisting parents in improving their parenting and their relationships and communication with their children can have long-lasting, far-reaching and incredibly meaningful impacts on both parents and children, and that those improvements often have positive ripple effects in the other areas of their lives.
As a result, parenting it is an area in which I have continued to study and obtain advanced training and certification over the past 20+ years, so that I can provide the highest quality and most up-to-date therapy services to individuals and families.
In those 20+ years of training and working with parents, the book I recommend most often and most highly is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman PhD with Joan DeClaire.
The reason I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that many research studies have shown that emotional intelligence (a.k.a. Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ) is the best predictor of how a child will turn out.
This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed high levels of emotional intelligence.
Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.
Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child.
This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books.
However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.
If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me through the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to schedule a 45 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as a therapist. However, I have been recommending these books and others to my clients, friends and family as long as I have been working in the social work and therapy professions. And, I would (and will) continue to recommend these particular books even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah
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