Best and Most Recommended Parenting Book

As a society and as individuals, we say our relationships with our kids and our kids' wellbeing are some of the very most important things in our lives.

Yet, what have we done to take an educated approach to our relationships with our kids and our responsibilities of raising them to be healthy, resilient and well adjusted adults? 

Reading and applying the simple process described in this book is one of the best ways—and one of the simplest ways—you can improve your relationship with your child AND improve your child's well-being and life skills.

Parenting is one of my clinical specializations, and a relationship with which I love to assist people.

My formal training in parenting education began in 1997 when I was employed as a parenting educator. I have found that assisting parents in improving their parenting and their relationships and communication with their children can have long-lasting, far-reaching and incredibly meaningful impacts on both parents and children, and that those improvements often have positive ripple effects in the other areas of their lives.

As a result, parenting it is an area in which I have continued to study and obtain advanced training and certification over the past 20+ years, so that I can provide the highest quality and most up-to-date therapy services to individuals and families.

In those 20+ years of training and working with parents, the book I recommend most often and most highly is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman PhD with Joan DeClaire.

The reason I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that many research studies have shown that emotional intelligence (a.k.a. Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ) is the best predictor of how a child will turn out.

This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed high levels of emotional intelligence.

Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.

Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child.

This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books.

However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.

If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me through the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to schedule a 45 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.

Buy on Amazon

Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as a therapist. However, I have been recommending these books and others to my clients, friends and family as long as I have been working in the social work and therapy professions. And, I would (and will) continue to recommend these particular books even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.

Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You

Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important and personal decision. Each therapist or counselor has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively.

So, I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:

• You worry about the future.

• You spend a significant amount of time thinking about situations or relationships.

• You enjoy learning new things, and try to learn from your mistakes.

• You try to improve things by identifying what you can do differently and working on that.

• You feel guilty or anxious when you displease others.

• You have very high expectations of yourself.

• You are a sensitive person, and like to understand what happened and cause and effect.

• You put others’ needs before your own, and end up feeling resentful sometimes.

• You want to be able to talk through a problem.

• You want to help others understand why there is a problem.

• You are self-reflective and take responsibility for solving problems.

• You view life as an opportunity to improve yourself and enjoy developing your capabilities.

• You are willing to change in order to improve a situation or relationship.

• You feel overwhelmed with your current struggles.

If any of these things sound like you, I hope you’ll contact me using the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to set up a 45 minute phone consultation. I’m looking forward to meeting you and playing a part in your journey!

What is Loneliness and How Does it Affect Us?

What is loneliness?

Research studies have determined that feeling lonely is different than simply being alone. In fact, the sensation of loneliness doesn’t actually have much to do with how many people you spoke to in a given day or week.

To the contrary, some of the most people who report feeling the most severely lonely are those who actually talk to lots of people everyday. This is due to the fact that these people don’t perceive these people they are talking with as meaningful connections with another person.

To experience relief from loneliness, you need not only other people but also to feel that you are sharing something with the other person (or group) that is meaningful to both of you.

It is essential for you to both be engaged together in something you both think has meaning and value. And, the relationship has to be reciprocal or two-way, and to include a sense of “mutual aid and protection” according to researcher John Cacciopo. [1]

So, loneliness is best defined as the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else.

How does loneliness affect us?

Research studies have found that extended loneliness causes us to shut down socially, and to be more suspicious of any social contact.

We become more hypervigilant, more likely to take offense when none was intended, and to be afraid of strangers.

This is a paradox because we start to be afraid of connection which is what we need more than anything when we are lonely.

Researcher John Cacciopo calls this a “snowball” effect where disconnection spirals into even more disconnection. [1]

People who are lonely have been found in research studies to be scanning for threats because they unconsciously know that no one is looking out for them and thus know that no one will help them when they are hurt.

The good news is that this “snowball” effect of loneliness can be reversed. [1]

However, to help a depressed or severely anxious person out of loneliness, they need more love and reassurance than they would have needed before they became lonely.

The saddest part about this to me as a therapist is that many depressed and anxious people receive less love and reassurance as they become less enjoyable to be around.

As they receive judgment and criticism from others, their retreat from the world accelerates and their loneliness deepens and increases.

If you would like to learn more about these findings and what you can do to decrease loneliness, I would strongly encourage you to buy the book below and begin to apply the principles to your life.

It’s one of the best books I’ve read on the subject of depression and anxiety in many years.

If you would like additional support and professional guidance, please reach out to me through the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to schedule your 45 minute phone consultation.

1. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression —And the Unexpected Solutions,

by Johann Hari

Buy on Amazon

Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending this book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation, and will continue to recommend this particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.