Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP’s Blog Articles
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah.
A Pathway to Genuine Empathy and Connection
We live in a world and a society with so much division and so much disconnection, one where we often define ourselves and others more by our differences than what we have in common.
However, healing our world, our culture, our relationships and ourselves is going to require us developing deeper, more genuine empathy and connection with others.
One of the pathways to that type of empathy and connection with another person is gaining a deeper understanding of another’s lived experiences.
As Dr. Brene Brown says, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in”.
One way to move in and get to know others better is by listening to the lived experiences of others in their own words.
So, I decided to write this post and compile a list of some of my favorite memoirs and biographies for anyone who is interested in deepening their understanding of the lived experiences of another person who they perceive as different from them.
My hope is that as you read or listen to these lived experiences, you may see a piece of yourself in them and feel a connection and empathy for this other person.
I fervently believe empathy is one of the keys to healing our world.
As we practice empathy, we create more empathy which is something our world, culture, systems, relationships and hearts all need a whole lot more of right now.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
How Does the Out-Of-Network Reimbursement Process Work?
I am considered an out-of-network provider for all insurance plans. If your insurance plan includes mental health benefits and if you’re wanting to seek out-of-network reimbursement from your insurance company, it’s important for you to understand how the process works and what it requires, along with it’s disadvantages and potential benefits, so that you can make an informed decision about whether it’s the route you want to pursue or not.
At a minimum, seeking reimbursement from your insurance company requires that you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis. I can assess you for such a diagnosis if you request this of me up front. This assessment is something that usually takes a few session to complete. If you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis, that diagnosis will then be put on your permanent medical record when you submit for out of network reimbursement. After you submit your diagnosis on a superbill which I can provide you (containing information about the therapy services you’ve received), your insurance company will make a determination of whether they believe therapy is a “medical necessity” for you.
If the insurance plan decides therapy is a medical necessity for you, your plan will then notify you directly of the amount of therapy services for which they will reimburse you and number of sessions they will allow, which reimbursement usually applies after you have met have your deductible in full. These specifics vary by insurance plan. There is also a chance that you will go through that process and your insurance plan will decide that therapy is not a “medical necessity” for you.
One of the most important things for you to know about this process is that if you choose to submit for reimbursement from your insurance company, this subjects my records about you to the requirements of the insurance company and waives your rights to privacy and confidentiality as if I were paneled with the insurance company.
I am a fee-for-service, private pay therapist, which means that you are responsible to pay the fee for each session at the time of the session. Many of my clients pay for their therapy with their health savings account or flexible spending account, while others pay with cash or credit card.
I am considered an out-of-network provider for all insurance plans. If your insurance plan includes mental health benefits and if you’re wanting to seek out-of-network reimbursement from your insurance company, it’s important for you to understand how the process works and what it requires, along with its disadvantages and potential benefits, so that you can make an informed decision about whether it’s the route you want to pursue or not.
At a minimum, seeking reimbursement from your insurance company requires that you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis. I can assess you for such a diagnosis if you request this of me up front. This assessment is something that usually takes a few sessions to complete. If you meet criteria for a mental health disorder diagnosis, that diagnosis will then be put on your permanent medical record when you submit for out of network reimbursement.
After you submit your diagnosis on a superbill which I can provide you (containing information about the therapy services you’ve received), your insurance company will make a determination of whether they believe therapy is a “medical necessity” for you.
If the insurance plan decides therapy is a medical necessity for you, your plan will then notify you directly of the amount of therapy services for which they will reimburse you and number of sessions they will allow, which reimbursement usually applies after you have met have your deductible in full. These specifics vary by insurance plan. There is also a chance that you will go through that process and your insurance plan will decide that therapy is not a “medical necessity” for you.
Most insurance plans don’t cover couples therapy to address relationship issues. However, if you're interested in having your insurance help pay for your couples therapy, I'd recommend you call your plan and ask them specifically whether they cover couples therapy without giving one partner a mental health disorder diagnosis.
One of the most important things for you to know about this process is that if you choose to submit for reimbursement from your insurance company, this subjects my records about you to the requirements of the insurance company and waives your rights to privacy and confidentiality as if I were paneled with the insurance company.
It is also important for you to know that the therapeutic services I provide are based on what I determine—based on my clinical training, experience and judgment and the collaborative process of working with you—will best assist you in meeting your therapeutic goals. My focus is on doing what seems to be in your best interests and will provide the maximum benefit to you—not necessarily on what particular diagnosis, treatment modality or session structure an individual insurance plan may be willing to reimburse.
It is your responsibility to find out and follow your plan’s policies in the process of seeking out-of-network reimbursement. Insurance companies have many rules and requirements specific to each individual plan and do not make it easy to obtain reimbursement.
As a result of the above factors and others, the majority of my clients choose not to seek reimbursement from their insurance plan, because they decide that the disadvantages of the insurance process outweigh the potential benefits, and they want to keep everything they share with me confidential and all decisions about the therapy process to be made by them and me.
During your phone consultation, I will get some information from you in order to briefly assess your situation and then recommend the type of therapy I believe will be most beneficial to you. I will share with you the set session fee for that type of therapy at that time so you know what to expect.
Best and Most Recommended Parenting Book
This is the best parenting book. I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that research has found that the factor that predicts a child’s success most in life is their emotional intelligence. This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed emotional intelligence.
Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.
Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child. This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books. However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.
If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me by email or phone to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.
As a society and as individuals, we say our relationships with our kids and our kids' wellbeing are some of the very most important things in our lives.
Yet, what have we done to take an educated approach to our relationships with our kids and our responsibilities of raising them to be healthy, resilient and well adjusted adults?
Reading and applying the simple process described in this book is one of the best ways—and one of the simplest ways—you can improve your relationship with your child AND improve your child's well-being and life skills.
Parenting is one of my clinical specializations, and a relationship with which I love to assist people.
My formal training in parenting education began in 1997 when I was employed as a parenting educator. I have found that assisting parents in improving their parenting and their relationships and communication with their children can have long-lasting, far-reaching and incredibly meaningful impacts on both parents and children, and that those improvements often have positive ripple effects in the other areas of their lives.
As a result, parenting it is an area in which I have continued to study and obtain advanced training and certification over the past 20+ years, so that I can provide the highest quality and most up-to-date therapy services to individuals and families.
In those 20+ years of training and working with parents, the book I recommend most often and most highly is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman PhD with Joan DeClaire.
The reason I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that many research studies have shown that emotional intelligence (a.k.a. Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ) is the best predictor of how a child will turn out.
This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed high levels of emotional intelligence.
Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.
Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child.
This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books.
However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.
If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me through the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to schedule a 45 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as a therapist. However, I have been recommending these books and others to my clients, friends and family as long as I have been working in the social work and therapy professions. And, I would (and will) continue to recommend these particular books even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You
Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important, personal decision. Each therapist has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively. I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:
Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important and personal decision. Each therapist or counselor has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively.
So, I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:
You worry about the future.
You spend a significant amount of time thinking about situations or relationships.
You enjoy learning new things, and try to learn from your mistakes.
You try to improve things by identifying what you can do differently and working on that.
You feel guilty or anxious when you displease others.
You have very high expectations of yourself.
You are a sensitive person, and like to understand what happened and cause and effect.
You put others’ needs before your own, and end up feeling resentful sometimes.
You want to be able to talk through a problem.
You want to help others understand why there is a problem.
You are self-reflective and take responsibility for solving problems.
You view life as an opportunity to improve yourself and enjoy developing your capabilities.
You are willing to change in order to improve a situation or relationship.
You feel overwhelmed with your current struggles.
If any of these things sound like you, I hope you’ll contact me using the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to set up a 45 minute phone consultation. I’m looking forward to meeting you and playing a part in your journey!
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah
Blog articles to help you, your family, and friends today.