More Frequently Asked Questions About Therapy

KUTV Channel 2 Fresh Living Fresh Off the Set Podcast Interview General Therapy Episode—Interview of Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP by Interviewer Elora Murray from Fresh Off the Set

Q: WHAT ARE SOME SIGNS THAT IT’S TIME TO SEEK OUT A THERAPIST? 

A: When something emotional, mental or in relationships is negatively impacting your ability to function at home, work, school or in relationships, it would be a good idea to seek out the assistance of a therapist.   

This could be: 

-when you feel so much anxiety that it’s difficult for you be effective as a parent or focus at work 

-when stress you are experiencing in one area of your life is really bleeding over into another and preventing you from being present or effective in that other area or relationship in your life

-when you’re getting so upset by things that you’re not able to complete your responsibilities 

In cases like these, a licensed therapist can assist you in deepening your understanding of the issue, working through it in various ways, and increasing your skills for effectively addressing or coping with it.

Other signs could be: 

-when you find yourself going over and over a situation or thoughts in your mind or find your thoughts spiraling

-when you are feeling overwhelmed, confused or resentful in a relationship and keep repeating the same unproductive patterns of behavior

Q: WHO IS THERAPY FOR? 

A: Therapy is for people who want to create change within themselves and their lives, and are willing to put in the effort and time required to do those things. It’s more likely to be effective for people who are: 

-open to engaging in a process of exploring things with their therapist,

-willing to pay attention to their feelings, thoughts and what they notice in their body, 

-and committed to put forth the effort to implement changes in between sessions.      

Therapy is for also for individuals who want to be more aware of and take better care of their mental health and relational health, which are every bit as important as being intentional with our physical health.  

Q: WHAT KINDS OF THINGS DO PEOPLE GO TO THERAPY FOR? 

A: There are really a wide variety of reasons someone may seek therapy such as:

-to work through your tendencies to be a people pleaser or a perfectionist

-to figure out how to parent your kids in healthier ways than the ways you were raised

-to gain a better understanding of why you’re feeling anxious and what you can do about it 

-to develop skills for managing stress more effectively 

-to develop your skills in setting boundaries 

-to address issues that are preventing you from getting good sleep

Q: WHAT IS THE GOAL OF THERAPY? ALSO, WHAT KIND OF SKILLS CAN WE LEARN? 

A: The goals of therapy often include the types of skills we hope to develop through therapy. There are usually multiple goals of therapy, which depend on:

-the issues you are seeking help with,  

-your desired outcomes for the process, and 

-the therapeutic approach being used by your therapist to address the issues the two of you identified. 

If you’re seeking therapy for anxiety, your goals might include working with your therapist to identify the things that are triggering your anxiety, resolving the causes of those things to the extent possible, and developing healthy skills for coping with those things that we can’t resolve.  

Therapy for trauma, on the other hand, is often about making connections between what is happening in the present and what happened to you in the past. So, the goals of trauma therapy might involve integrating the fragments of what gets triggered from your past emotionally, mentally, and in your body and nervous system, so that these trauma buttons don’t get pushed nearly as frequently or intensely and so that the effects of being triggered don’t last as long. Trauma therapy may also involve developing skills in mindfulness, self-compassion and working through your feelings more effectively.  

If you’re seeking couples therapy, your goals might include the two of you gaining a deeper understanding of each other and each other’s feelings, needs, wounds, and desires in the relationship; developing more effective processes for working through conflict in your relationship, and developing skills for creating a more mutually satisfying connection with each other. 

Q: WHAT CAN A PERSON EXPECT FROM THERAPY? 

A: To better answer this question, I’d like to say a little more about what therapy is. Defining therapy can be challenging because there are so many different approaches to therapy and so many different therapists and clients, so no two therapy sessions that are exactly the same. However, in a nutshell, I would say that therapy is a collaborative process of working with a licensed therapist to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, others and your environment, as well as developing skills to enable you to have a healthier, more meaningful and fulfilling life, work and relationships. This process can involve healing old emotional, mental and relational wounds so that they are no longer holding you back.  

In therapy, you can expect your therapist to ask you a lot of questions in order to be able to understand your history and the relationships that have shaped who you are and your current situation. Your therapist’s questions will also help you to unpack things and see things more clearly, on a deeper level and from different perspectives. 

During this process, you will probably feel a wide range of feelings and you will likely be asked to work on new skills and tools in between sessions because coming and talking about things is only part of the solution—doing things differently in between sessions is also a key part of making changes. in your life, relationships and environment.  

Q: WHAT KIND OF A MINDSET SHOULD WE HAVE GOING INTO THERAPY? 

A: A growth mindset, which means that you believe in the fact that your abilities and skills can be developed through commitment and hard work. 

It’s also important to keep in mind that genuine healing and change will likely require significant effort and time invested into the therapy process. If you have decades worth of experiences and relationships that are feeding into your current struggles, know that you are not going to be able to work through decades of stuff in just a few months of therapy sessions. 

As with anything that is genuinely rewarding and meaningful, there is no short cut or quick fix. 

Q: WHAT’S A COMMON MISCONEPTION ABOUT THERAPY THAT YOU’D LIKE TO ADDRESS? 

A: One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that therapy is only for people who are in a state of extreme distress or crisis. 

In reality, therapy is it will be more effective, less time consuming and less expensive if you start it before you’re in crisis, and by starting therapy when things are less severe, you can avoid getting to the point of being in crisis.  

Q: WHAT’S THE MOST COMMON PROBLEM YOU SEE WITH PATIENTS? (WHAT HINDERS THEM FROM LEARNING DURING THERAPY?) 

A: One the most common problems I have seen is clients not being able to create momentum, significant change and progress due to the client not meeting frequently enough, for long enough sessions and for a long enough period of time with their therapist before ending their therapy.  

In order to create therapeutic momentum, significant change and progress with my clients, I use 80 minute sessions with all of my clients because longer sessions are the gold standard for resolving things like trauma and relationship issues. The 80 minute sessions really allow us to identify and explore what’s going on beneath the surface, so we can address those underlying causes which can lead to genuine healing and lasting, long-term change within you, your life and your relationships. I also ask that people who want to work with me commit to meet a minimum of once every 2 weeks, and I encourage people to commit themselves to a period of at least 6 sessions before considering pausing or ending their therapy. 

Q: WHAT TIPS DO YOU HAVE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO THERAPY? 

A: Generally, the more of yourself you invest in the therapy process, the more you will get out of it. This means being open with your therapist and sharing things so that she has an accurate and complete picture of things from which to assess your situation and make recommendations. Taking an active role in the therapy process also means avoiding any mind altering substances like alcohol or non-prescription drugs the day or two before your therapy sessions, so that you can get the most out of the process.  

Some clients also find it helpful to purchase a journal/notebook which they bring to each session to record insights from their sessions, the goals they are going to work on until their next session, and notes of anything that comes up in between sessions that they would like to discuss at their next appointment. Other clients find it more helpful to record such things in a dedicated notes folder on their smartphone. Regardless of which format works best for you, such a journal enables clients to stay on track and concretely view how much progress they have made through their therapy process.  

Q: HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOUR THERAPIST IS A GOOD FIT FOR YOU? 

A: Whether a therapist is a good fit can entail a lot of things and can vary from one person to another based on what they are looking for in a therapist and from the therapy process. 

However, generally speaking, a therapist is a good fit for you if you feel like you can trust your therapist and speak freely without fear of judgment from your therapist. It’s important that you feel heard, seen, supported and emotionally safe with your therapist. 

In a good working relationship with a therapist, you will also feel a sense of connection with your therapist and feel like they care for you as a person and your well-being. 

A therapist who is a good fit for you will be mentally present, attentive and responsive to the things you say, and will take an active role in the session which usually means they will do more than just listening and nodding their head, such as asking questions to slow things down and explore something in more depth, exploring potential solutions with you, or gently challenging you. 

A good fit therapist will also demonstrate respect for your self-determination, meaning that they respect your authority and autonomy to decide what you feel and think it best for you—as long as you’re not endangering yourself or others. 

Since therapy began, research has repeatedly shown that the relationship you have with your therapist—which is often called the therapeutic alliance—is consistently the thing that accounts for the greatest amount change in the therapy process. So, the quality of the relationship you have with your therapist is incredibly important. 

You can listen to the full audio of these questions and answers here:

For Answers to other common questions about therapy, click the link below: