How to increase empathy and connection between us from a Salt Lake City Therapist
We live in a society and a world with so much polarization, division and disconnection, one where we often define ourselves and others more by our differences than by what we have in common.
I have been practicing as a SLC therapist and a Utah therapist in the Salt Lake City Metropolitan Area since 2003, and as a social worker in practice since 1997. Regardless of whether I have been providing therapy for relationship issues, mental health issues, trauma, or providing specialized therapy like EMDR therapy, in Salt Lake City or virtually throughout Utah, I have witnessed and heard a great deal from people about their most painful and vulnerable and difficult experiences that has led me to believe that healing our culture, our relationships, ourselves and our world is going to require us to develop deeper, more genuine empathy, compassion, and connection with others.
In her book Atlas of the Heart, researcher and author Brene Brown, shares, “Compassion is a daily practice and empathy is a skill set that is one of the most powerful tools of compassion. The most effective approach to meaningful connection combines compassion with a specific type of empathy called cognitive empathy”.
Brene Brown defines compassion in her research as “the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shard humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering”. Whether the definition is coming from the research literature or elsewhere, all definitions of compassion tend to agree that compassion includes action.
Pema Chodron, American Buddhist nun and author, provided a beautiful and powerful definition of compassion in her book The Places That Scare You where she says: “When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience our fear of pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. . . .In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of experience—our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity”.
Empathy is the most powerful tool of compassion according to Brene Brown’s qualitative research findings. Brown defines empathy as “an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding” [Brown, Atlas of the Heart, 120].
Empathy has so many positive benefits according to researchers Peter Paul Zurek and Herbert Scheithauer who explain that empathy aids in interpersonal decision making; facilitates ethical decision making and moral judgments; enhances short-term subjective well-being; strengthens relational bonds; allows people to better understand how others see them; and enhances prosocial and altruistic behavior. I think we can all agree that our society and world desperately needs more of these things right now!
One of the simplest ways I’ve found that people can begin to increase this needed empathy and compassion for other people and to increase connection and heal divides with other people is gaining a deeper understanding of another’s lived experiences.
As author and researcher Dr. Brene Brown says, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in”.
One way to move in and get to know others better is by listening to the lived experiences of others in their own words.
So, I decided to write this post and compile a list of some of my favorite memoirs and biographies for anyone who is interested in deepening their understanding of the lived experiences of another person who they perceive as different from them.
My hope is that as you read or listen to these lived experiences, you may see a piece of yourself in the author or a piece of your own experiences in theirs and thereby feel an increased connection to and relate to that person more. I also hope that you will feel an increased ability to understand and share the feelings of another person which are the foundation for empathy and lay the foundations for perspective-taking, staying out of judgment, recognizing emotions, and communication your understanding which are the substance of empathy. Connection with another person is fueled by this type of empathy.
I fervently believe empathy and connection are two essential keys to healing our world, and have witnessed these two things completely transform individuals’ lives and relationships in my work with them as a Salt Lake City therapist and Utah therapist.
As we practice empathy, we create more empathy which is something our world, culture, systems, relationships and hearts all need a whole lot more of right now. Because empathy fuels connection, the practice of empathy also exponentially increases the connection we and others feel and experience which is needed now perhaps more than ever. It is my hope that you will find these books helpful in that aim. Happy reading!
If any of the things I described above resonate with you or sound like things you have experienced or things with which you struggle, I would love to partner with you as an experienced Salt Lake City trauma therapist and Salt Lake City EMDR therapist. Please contact me through this secure form to request to schedule your 45 minute phone consultation.
If you’re interested in learning more about loneliness and what causes it, please check out my article here.
If you’re interested in learning more about getting individual support from me, please check out this page about individual therapy services with me.
Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is a really important part of the process of therapy. If you would like to learn more about the traits, behaviors and struggles of the clients with whom I’ve achieved the most transformative outcomes and best results in my work as a SLC therapist and trauma therapist in Salt Lake City, read this article.
Author Bio
Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR Therapist Utah, is a Salt Lake City therapist who has been practicing in the SLC area since Spring 2003. In addition to completing her licensure as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Christy has completed certification as a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), completed training and certification as an EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapist which you can learn more about here, completed in-depth clinical training on Polyvagal Theory Informed Trauma Therapy, completed a certification training to help clients struggling to deal with an individual with a personality disorder in their lives, completed all of the Gottman Couples Method Therapy trainings through The Gottman Institute which you can learn more about here, completed a certificate in Trauma-Informed Parent Child Interaction Therapy at The Trauma Center in Boston, MA, and completed extensive clinical training on the treatment of trauma and attachment taught by international experts on these subjects.
She works with sensitive, high achieving, perfectionistic, or progressive women who are stressed, overwhelmed, burned out, and afraid they are about to break which you can learn more about here. She is especially passionate about working with clients who have experienced complex trauma, childhood trauma, relational trauma, or religious trauma, including developmental trauma, preverbal trauma, and emotional neglect. You can learn more about her unique approach and what it’s like to work with her here. Please reach out to request a consultation if you would like to explore the possibility of partnering with her as your therapist.
I hope you find this list and these recommendations helpful to you on your personal journey. If you are seeking additional support, I would love to be your partner in healing as a SLC therapist and Utah therapist. Please reach out to me here through my contact form to get in touch with me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to schedule your 45 minute phone consultation.
Author Bio
Photo of SLC Therapist Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR Therapist Utah who offers therapy both in-person at her office in SLC and via online therapy as a Utah therapists for residents throughout the state
Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP, EMDR Therapist Utah, is a Salt Lake City therapist who has been practicing in the SLC area since Spring 2003. In addition to completing her licensure as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Christy has completed training and certification as an EMDR therapist, in-depth clinical training on Polyvagal Theory Informed Trauma Therapy, certification as a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), clinical certification training to help clients struggling to deal with an individual with a personality disorder in their lives, and completed extensive clinical training on the treatment of trauma and attachment taught by international experts on these subjects.
She works individually with sensitive, high achieving, perfectionistic, or progressive women who are stressed, overwhelmed, burned out, and afraid they are about to break. She is especially passionate about working with clients who have experienced complex trauma, childhood trauma, relational trauma, or religious trauma, including developmental trauma, preverbal trauma, and emotional neglect.
You can learn more about her unique approach and what it’s like to work with her here. Please reach out to request a consultation if you would like to explore the possibility of partnering with her as your therapist.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.