Christy Kobe, LCSW, CCTP’s Blog Articles
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah.
A Pathway to Genuine Empathy and Connection
We live in a world and a society with so much division and so much disconnection, one where we often define ourselves and others more by our differences than what we have in common.
However, healing our world, our culture, our relationships and ourselves is going to require us developing deeper, more genuine empathy and connection with others.
One of the pathways to that type of empathy and connection with another person is gaining a deeper understanding of another’s lived experiences.
As Dr. Brene Brown says, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in”.
One way to move in and get to know others better is by listening to the lived experiences of others in their own words.
So, I decided to write this post and compile a list of some of my favorite memoirs and biographies for anyone who is interested in deepening their understanding of the lived experiences of another person who they perceive as different from them.
My hope is that as you read or listen to these lived experiences, you may see a piece of yourself in them and feel a connection and empathy for this other person.
I fervently believe empathy is one of the keys to healing our world.
As we practice empathy, we create more empathy which is something our world, culture, systems, relationships and hearts all need a whole lot more of right now.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You
Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important, personal decision. Each therapist has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively. I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:
Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important and personal decision. Each therapist or counselor has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively.
So, I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:
You worry about the future.
You spend a significant amount of time thinking about situations or relationships.
You enjoy learning new things, and try to learn from your mistakes.
You try to improve things by identifying what you can do differently and working on that.
You feel guilty or anxious when you displease others.
You have very high expectations of yourself.
You are a sensitive person, and like to understand what happened and cause and effect.
You put others’ needs before your own, and end up feeling resentful sometimes.
You want to be able to talk through a problem.
You want to help others understand why there is a problem.
You are self-reflective and take responsibility for solving problems.
You view life as an opportunity to improve yourself and enjoy developing your capabilities.
You are willing to change in order to improve a situation or relationship.
You feel overwhelmed with your current struggles.
If any of these things sound like you, I hope you’ll contact me using the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to set up a 45 minute phone consultation. I’m looking forward to meeting you and playing a part in your journey!
The Best and Most Recommended Books for Couples Wanting to Improve Your Relationship
Although reading a book often isn’t enough to significantly change the quality and direction of a relationship long-term, I have found in my 15+ years of practice that books can be an excellent resource to enable couples to stabilize and improve their relationship more quickly, in combination with our work in couples therapy.
Although reading a book often isn’t enough to significantly change the quality and direction of a relationship long-term, I have found in my 15+ years of practice that books can be an excellent resource to enable couples to stabilize and improve their relationship more quickly, in combination with our work in couples therapy.
As a result, I am always looking for and reading books and other helpful resources to potentially recommend to my clients. Thus, I have read a LOT of books over the years and continue to do so.
With the desire for you to experience the benefits of quicker relationship improvement, and to make it easier for you to identify the specific books I most highly and most often recommend as the best books for couples, I’ve created this short list with links where you can purchase each book, along with a short summary of each to help you choose the one that’s best for you and your relationship:
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
by John Gottman Ph.D. and Nan Silver
As a Gottman Method Couples Therapist, this is the Gottman research-based book I recommend most often and most highly to couples.
This book talks about the predictors of relationship breakup and divorce, and the antidotes to each of those predictors, that were identified by John Gottman and his colleagues in their research.
It provides multiple exercises to do with your partner to strengthen your friendship, information about positive and healthy communication and interaction, and information for improving your understanding of the conflicts in your relationship and what you can do to respond to those conflicts more effectively.
I genuinely believe that nearly every couple would benefit from reading and applying this book to themselves as individuals and to their relationship.
2. The New Rules of Marriage
by Terrence Real
This book takes things to the next level, and is a great tool for after you have mastered the skills in the two books I have recommended above.
This book will enable you to evaluate your intimacy as a couple in the intellectual, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual domains.
It provides a lot of information for helping you to better understand your perceptions of and reactions to your partner, how to more clearly express what you want and need in your relationship, communication errors to avoid, and guidelines for how to better listen to and respond to your partner.
This book will provide guidelines for creating a healthier, stronger, more passionate and romantic, deeply connected, life long partnership with your best friend and life-long lover.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, don’t feel like a team, or feel like your partner has shut you out, this could be an excellent book for you.
This book tends is especially popular among women.
If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and professional guidance beyond what these books can provide, please contact reach out to me using the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call to request to schedule a 45 minute phone consultation to explore how I can assist you.
Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these books and others to my clients, friends and family as long as I have been in practice, and will continue to recommend these particular books even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.
SLC Therapist, Utah Therapist and EMDR Therapist Utah
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