Why Do I Need Boundaries?

The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

By Urban, Melissa

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Why Do I Need Boundaries?

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

By Tawwab, Nedra Glover

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Boundaries can help you to honor your feelings, needs, preferences, values, integrity, and emotional and energetic capacities, all of which are key aspects of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Developing the abilities to set, hold and enforce boundaries are very important abilities for protecting your mental, emotional, and physical health, your time and your energy—all of which have limits.

When Setting a Boundary, what do I say?

Ideally, a personal boundary defines what is okay for you and what is not okay for you. A boundary is not telling another person what to do. Rather, it is telling another person what you will do.

I’m Worried People will be Upset with Me for Setting a Boundary…

Keep in mind that people who get upset with you for setting, holding or enforcing boundaries are the people who were benefitting from your lack of boundaries.

Brene Brown wisely said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others”.

Where Can I Learn More about Setting Boundaries?

Setting and holding boundaries can be easier said than done, especially if we haven’t had someone teach us these skills and model how to apply them in our lives.

Working with an experienced therapist, can help you identify what areas of your life and relationships could benefit from setting and enforcing some new boundaries.

Additionally, the 2 books shown here by Nedra Glover Tawab and Melissa Urban are excellent resources for deepening your understanding of boundaries and how to effectively set them.

Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.

Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You

Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important and personal decision. Each therapist or counselor has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively.

So, I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:

• You worry about the future.

• You spend a significant amount of time thinking about situations or relationships.

• You enjoy learning new things, and try to learn from your mistakes.

• You try to improve things by identifying what you can do differently and working on that.

• You feel guilty or anxious when you displease others.

• You have very high expectations of yourself.

• You are a sensitive person, and like to understand what happened and cause and effect.

• You put others’ needs before your own, and end up feeling resentful sometimes.

• You want to be able to talk through a problem.

• You want to help others understand why there is a problem.

• You are self-reflective and take responsibility for solving problems.

• You view life as an opportunity to improve yourself and enjoy developing your capabilities.

• You are willing to change in order to improve a situation or relationship.

• You feel overwhelmed with your current struggles.

If any of these things sound like you, I hope you’ll contact me using the contact form on this page to reach me most quickly, or you may also email or call me to request to set up a 45 minute phone consultation. I’m looking forward to meeting you and playing a part in your journey!