A Pathway to Genuine Empathy and Connection

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/

We live in a world and a society with so much division and so much disconnection, one where we often define ourselves and others more by our differences than what we have in common. However, healing our world, our culture, our relationships and ourselves is going to require us developing deeper, more genuine empathy and connection with others. One of the pathways to that type of empathy and connection with another person is gaining a deeper understanding of another’s lived experiences. As Dr. Brene Brown says, “People are hard to hate close up. Move in”. One way to move in and get to know others better is by listening to the lived experiences of others in their own words.

So, I decided to write this post and compile a list of some of my favorite memoirs and biographies for anyone who is interested in deepening their understanding of the lived experiences of another person who they perceive as different from them. My hope is that as you listen to these lived experiences, you may see a piece of yourself in them and feel a connection and empathy for this other person. I fervently believe empathy is one of the keys to healing our world. As we practice empathy, we create more empathy which is something our world, culture, systems, relationships and hearts all need a whole lot more of right now.

Untamed
By Glennon Doyle, Glennon Doyle Melton
Buy on Amazon
Escape: A Memoir
By Jessop, Carolyn, Palmer, Laura
Buy on Amazon
Notes on Grief
By Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi
Buy on Amazon
The Hiding Place
By Corrie Ten Boom, Elizabeth Sherrill, John Sherrill
Buy on Amazon
As I Have Loved You
By Kitty de Ruyter-Bons
Buy on Amazon
Becoming
By Obama, Michelle
Buy on Amazon
Illegitimate: How a Loving God Rescued a Son of Polygamy
By Mackert, Brian J., Mackert, Brian, Miller, Susan Martins
Buy on Amazon
Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith
By Newell, Linda King, Avery, Valeen Tippetts
Buy on Amazon

Please note that I will receive a small amount on purchases made from my website in return for directing people to the books I recommend most highly as an experienced therapist. However, I have been recommending these book to my clients, friends and family with no compensation for years, and will continue to recommend these particular book even if I don’t receive any compensation whatsoever.

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Best and Most Recommended Parenting Book

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/
Best and Most Recommended Parenting Book

This is the best parenting book. I recommend this book so highly and more often than any other parenting book to those I work with is that research has found that the factor that predicts a child’s success most in life is their emotional intelligence. This book teaches and simplifies the research-validated process of enabling your child to develop that emotional intelligence using decades of research from parent-child pairs in whom the child developed emotional intelligence.

Children with whom their parents effectively used this process show a multitude of positive outcomes including being better able to control their impulses, delay gratification, motivate themselves, cope with life’s ups and downs, regulate their own emotional states, bounce back from stress, take on responsibility, and carry on productive activities among many other positive behaviors and benefits.

Most parents are aware that there are a LOT of parenting books out there. However, this is one of the most research-based parenting books available, and it gives you tools to better understand your style and to focus on the interactions, relationship factors and communication that matter the most with your child. This book can be applied with a child of any age and research has shown that even a non-custodial parent using this process can be enough to develop emotional intelligence in their child. I literally have entire bookshelves full of parenting books. However, this one is my very favorite and I highly recommend it to you.

If you recognize that you could use additional assistance, support and guidance beyond what this book can provide, please reach out to me by email or phone to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation to explore how I could assist you.

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Frequently Asked Questions about Therapy and Counseling in Salt Lake City, Utah

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/
Frequently Asked Questions about Therapy and Counseling in Salt Lake City, Utah

You and I will begin where you are at—emotionally and psychologically—and work together to create a safe nonjudgmental space, therapeutic relationship and process where you can explore your struggles and identify your therapeutic needs and goals. This is a very collaborative and respectful process.

My goal is to empower, support and assist you in expanding your knowledge, skills and capacities to meet your identified needs and goals.

Generally, the more of yourself you are willing to invest, the greater the return.

Most people feel nervous when they first begin therapy. I want you to know that I have a strong belief in the inherent worth and dignity of all people. One of the most important things to me is creating a safe, healthy, caring and compassionate working relationship with you in order to enable you to heal, grow and progress. My office is a judgment-free zone. I see that as an absolutely essential part of creating a safe space and therapeutic relationship with you.

All of my therapy sessions with my clients are 80 minutes because that has been shown to be the “gold standard” session length.

I recommend that my clients meet a minimum of once every two weeks.

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Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/
Choosing a Therapist who is a Good Fit for You

Choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you is an important, personal decision. Each therapist has certain types of people with whom they work most effectively. I’ve put together a list below of some of the traits and behaviors of clients with whom I’ve achieved the best results in my work. I might be the right therapist for you if any of the following apply to you:

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What is Loneliness and How Does it Affect Us?

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/
What is Loneliness and How Does it Affect Us?

Loneliness causes us to shut down socially, and to be more suspicious of any social contact. We become more hypervigilant, more likely to take offense when none was intended, and to be afraid of strangers.

Loneliness is best defined as the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else.

To help a depressed or severely anxious person out of loneliness, they need more love and reassurance than they would have needed before they became lonely. The saddest part about this to me as a therapist is that many depressed and anxious people receive less love and reassurance as they become less enjoyable to be around. As they receive judgment and criticism from others, their retreat from the world accelerates and their loneliness deepens and increases.

If you would like to learn more about these findings and what you can do to decrease loneliness, I would strongly encourage you to buy the book below and begin to apply the principles to your life. It’s one of the best books I’ve read on the subject of depression and anxiety in many years.

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What is EMDR therapy and Modified Protocol, Attachment-Focused EMDR therapy?

/ Christy Kobe, PLLC/
What is EMDR therapy and Modified Protocol, Attachment-Focused EMDR therapy?

Modified Protocol, AF-EMDR therapy might be a good fit for you if you struggle with smaller traumas that manifest as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, phobias, creativity blocks, relationship difficulties, not feeling fully alive, not enjoying life, difficulty making important decisions and taking action, intense emotional reactions to certain situations or people, difficult relationships in the family with whom you grew up, or issues in your relationships as an adult.

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